Simple Pleasures

I love how things just work out. I make wishes on dandelions, and they come true. I pray to a God I cannot touch, and He answered. Today I visited one of my favorite parks and had a great, effectual conversation with one of my favorite people.

Joy is there. Don’t miss it.

Also, I received something exciting in the mail that made me leap! In the midst of tragedy, I am intentionally finding joy. To God be the Glory!

My mom loves to cook. Although there are only 3 of us in the house, she cooks enough to feed seven. It’s a mixed blessing. Left overs can come in handy.

This evening, we made jambalaya, and I paired it with left over mustard greens. It hit every spot. Oh, and I sipped a glass of Sweet Red as I chowed down.

Accompanied by Netflix and some ice water, I must admit, it’s a nice close to an amazing day. God is truly faithful.

I am Eryka

Back2Basics

They say we ‘crawl before we walk,’ but it’s when we learn to walk that we also experience falling. What happens when a great fall turns walking into leaning, specifically on a crutch? The thought intrigued me. If it is true that once must crawl before they walk, when we fall, it makes most sense to go back to the origin of crawling.

Crawling looks different for all of us. For some, crawling may be living independently after divorce. For others, crawling is the adventure of starting a business after years of being an employee. Crawling isn’t necessarily physical. It’s Mental and also Spiritual. Our minds are constantly hit with battles and fights that we aren’t always prepared to fight. Things happen and our minds are often the parts of us left with the most scars.

The war is over!!! You’re no longer on the battlefield, but I can’t believe that for you.

Recently I had to face myself. I had to remind myself that the battle is over. I got so accustomed to fighting and looking for enemies that I didn’t notice when the victory flag was actually waved. In life we can be so blinded by trauma that we miss the moment for therapeutic rehabilitation. Our minds are attacked by memories of what was, but our Spirits are aware of what is.

Just as crawling requires two legs, victory requires both the mind and the spirit to be on one accord.

Knowing the thing to do isn’t good enough. Once you learn to walk, no one has to tell you how. It’s the injury that leads to the need for the crutch and the crutch becomes so essential to us that we forget we knew how to walk without it. Yes, you’re hurt. You’ll probably hurt for the rest of your life for one reason or another. Pain is a vital sign. Pain means you’re living. Life means You Won.

The crutch only works as long as you employ it!

So, throw down the crutch, go back to the basics & crawl until you walk!

Your mind, your spirit & your body will Thank You. Most of all, Destiny appreciates You.

I am Eryka

Here is fine

It is Sunday! The first Sunday of December, and the last first Sunday of 2018! The sand is running out of the hourglass that is this year. There are a limited amount of days left. This reminds me that the end of one thing brings the start of another.

2018 has to end! How else would we see 2019? Likewise, if 2018 had not begun, 2019 would’ve had no starting point. What I’m trying to say is, everything coexists for a reason. Daylight takes a break while Nightfall shows off. Summer plays hide and seek while Winter takes center stage. It simply has to be this way.

We have entered Holiday season. Some families are planning and taking vacations. Some are shopping and exchanging gifts. Some are relocating to new homes while others settle into old traditions. It’s all happening at the same time. One family goes to Disney as another buys their first new vehicle. One couple welcomes their newborn son as another enjoys the blessing of Great-Grandchildren. This is a minor example of a major point. There is no room for jealousy or strife here on Earth. Everybody has a part to play. You may have the greatest soprano voice since music was ever created, but without a great producer or musician, something is still lacking. There’s only so much that voice can do alone. There’s only so much I can accomplish here in my territory. I need someone else to buy a home and move to another state so that they can spread the Love of God to new dimensions. I need another family to have children before me because working as their Nanny pays my bills. I may wish I could do some of the things I see others do, but I am assigned to my own set of tasks.

I gotta do what I gotta do, just as you have to do your part.

We have no time to be distracted by feelings and ideals. Your time for this will come. My time for that will come. We cannot however refuse to function simply because we see others functioning differently or in other areas. The same God that did it for them, can & will do for you.

Imagine if the grass got up and walked away every time a tree grew a new leaf. The grass needs the tree to have branches and leaves just as much, if not more, than the tree needs them itself. You’ve been planted. Grow.

I could be jealous & angry this morning as a result of this morning’s events BUT… what’s the point? I’ve got a God to serve. I’ve got a family to Love. I’ve got an assignment to complete. I’ve got gifts to give. I’ve got songs to sing. I’ve got things to do; things that don’t involve beating myself up or being resentful at God because she’s married and I’m not, or they have kids and I don’t, or because I’ve never been here, or there. So what?! I am here, and here is fine.

In short, embrace where you are. Settle in and enjoy the journey. Once God moves you, it’ll be harder to get back to where you are now, so take it allllll in! Let them do them. You do you.

I digress.

I am Eryka

Check out this song by Gavin DeGraw. It’s a great self love anthem. YouTube: “I don’t wanna be”

“That’s that sh— I don’t like”

I’m not sure who first said it, but I’ve heard it spoken far too many times – when someone repeats bad behavior; when the server gets the order wrong; when the phone company decides to overcharge. It is often said.

“That’s that sh– I don’t like!”

This may not be a common cliche where you’re from, and I appreciate you reading anyway. See, this statement is typically one said in frustration and disgust. As I search for new designs and ideas for my site, I’ve reached a conclusion. We are usually more familiar with what we don’t like than we are with our actual likes. Sure, we can choose lunch with ease and we have an idea of our general preferences, but how many of us know what it is we really like.

As I surf page after page of shoes, I see many I don’t like and several I could go for, but what is it that I’m in search of? I think back at my list of ex-boyfriends and I weigh their good and bad traits, and facing the reality that all of the relationships ended, I have to wonder – what is it I even want in a mate? I have a pretty decent idea now, but clearly I have not always been in touch with what I like.

Moms and Dads pick their children’s first clothing, hobbies, and toys. They even decide where the kid goes to school ultimately selecting the child’s friends and childhood experience. The parent is doing their job – training up the kid, but if the parents aren’t mindful, they risk raising a child who only knows how to make decisions based on what Mom & Dad taught them. Thankfully many of us migrate into social circles and professional networks that broaden our life experience, but what happens to those who never get to discover who they are and what they like.

I am a huge advocate for self identity. A human cannot successfully navigate this lifetime without an honest sense of self identification.

If I don’t know who I am, how can I show myself to you?

A few individuals that I’ve met over the years come to mind as I write this. I’ve been connected to people for entire decades while never truly knowing who they are. They perform certain tasks well and after spending time with them, they became predictable but I can’t say I really knew them. I often tried to dig into their personality and deepen the relationships, only to find that the other person was giving me all they had to offer.

Unfortunately, an empty person doesn’t have much to offer. I don’t mean to insult anyone. I don’t consider emptiness a flaw. It is rather an opportunity. I had to go empty to be filled again. I had to admit that I had picked up society’s ideals of me and I had to also be willing to release them. That is when I found who I am, what I like and where I’m going.

Too many people are doing things out of tradition and habit. So many relationships have lingered on for no other reason than comfort. We have mischosen careers and partners simply because we were focused on what we don’t like. When we focus on the things we don’t like, we tend to do everything to avoid them. This means we end up accepting stuff we probably shouldn’t only because it’s not like the thing we don’t want.

Let’s stop. Let’s stop making our dislikes so huge and dig into ourselves to discover our likes. What do you like? What makes you happy? What do you have to offer a job? Or a spouse? Who are you?

Think about it.

I am Eryka

In His Presence

Nothing has more power to hold one to their past than an ex lover. The attachment that romantic relationships provide is unmatched. Romantic partners will cross entire seas and switch continents just to be with the one they love. Television and movies display this well. Real life? Not so much.

I had not realized the full, unconscious effect past relationships has on me until recently. There are places I haven’t stepped foot in since a specific relationship ended. There are relationships and connections that were instantly severed with the ending of my first marriage. As it turns out, leaving a job is a sure fire way to lose associates. It happens every day. Television had me convinced that as long as I remain awesome and open minded that love would find and follow me. According to every movie playing on the Hallmark Channel, my ex husband should have had a change of heart by now and returned with some huge display of adoration in effort to reconcile. This isn’t what I’ve experienced in real life and therefore have accepted the truth that these outcomes happen on sound stages and in writer’s rooms only.

Most relationships that fail never stand back up again. Most fathers who walk out on their families do not return. Most abusers don’t come to terms with their behaviors and seek to make amends. Some times the Boogie Man comes from under the bed and is apprehended, but far too often, he moves on to torment another and it seems he keeps getting away with it. You’d think that someone would’ve arrested him by now, but he still lurks. He wants to scare someone, while seducing someone else. He wears a disguise of innocence in certain crowds and is gruesome and blatantly evil in others. This Boogie Man is the past and every bad thing it holds and it’s desperate to consume each and every one of us.

What is one to do?

Well it’s time to return to the present. What is going on, Right here & right now? What can I do now? Who can I help, now? How can I love, now?! There will always be a past and hopefully a future, but the present will not always be here. Let’s not spend another second of the present moment upset or regretful about something that has come and gone or has yet to come. Let’s get over ourselves and the people and things that have hurt us. The relationship ended. That’s explanation enough. The person left. That’s reason enough. We have to stop wanting answers more than we want peace, or progression, or life itself!

So to you, who like me love a good Rom Com, I dare you to leave yesterday where it is and embrace today as if it is your very own Romantic Comedy. You may or may not have a leading man/woman, but allow that to be okay anyway. You may not have a huge room of talented writers dictating your every move, but what you have is much better. You have the spirit of the living God down inside you. I know this because you wouldn’t be breathing and reading this post without it. You are equipped with enough fuel to drive the miles required to get you where you belong. Don’t sit on the side of the road with hazard lights on hoping for a AAA truck to come along and save you. You’ve already been saved. Other women may have needed a captain, but you don’t. Others may have needed a boost, but you don’t. Someone else may have had a hand to come along and pull them out, but the absence of it means you can get up without it.

“The quickest way over the past is in God’s presence.” #ErykaIAM

I am able to write this post because I am in this boat. I feel all sorts of feelings. I am well aware of my past and everything that’s ever occurred. I remember the faces and feelings that hurt. Some days all I can see is the damage from yesterday’s pain, but I’m not living in yesterday anymore! In order for today to give me its best, I must show up and offer mine.

Here is my best: I will live. I will not die. I will use my voice and my gifts to point to the one who formed me. I am not my own. I do not know what I do not know, but I know Jesus and I choose to trust Him.

Your desires are valid. The one who made you will also give you the desires of your heart, so do us all a favor and fix your eyes on him – not the desire.

I digress.

I am Eryka

Honestly, not

“They” say “honesty is the best policy.” I agree, but tell me, what good is honesty without communication? I’ve noticed that humans intend to say or do things, and often times they simply fail to follow through. It can be argued that good intentions matter also because it’s the thought that counts, right? Eh, I beg to differ. Thoughts can’t do much for a person.

Don’t get me wrong; I know that thoughts help shape our life, but without action a thought is like a breeze that travels through the brain. Communication is an action. For whatever reason, humans have stopped communicating properly. Everybody is doing stuff, but where’s the integrity? Where’s the true connection? So many relationships fall apart due to lack luster communication.

Without communication, honesty is empty.

The most honest thing one can do to another is speak Love and truth and act it out toward them. Honesty isn’t simply failing to lie. It is choosing to show up the same way each and every time. The absence of communication invites assumptions, hurt feelings and in too many cases, broken hearts.

Many words are being spoken, but are you really saying anything?

My friends and I communicate. We share thoughts and ideas through speech and even song. We bounce things off one another. Over time, the exchange of communication has taught us to know one another. We can often read each other’s moods and emotions through communication, or the lack thereof. I see people hang out in groups and never really discuss anything. They share meals, take trips and even have children, but fail to communicate properly. We’ve become so accustomed to seeking to meet personal needs within other people and as a result I don’t believe we know exactly who it’s is we face each day.

Consider this: Man & Woman are married 40 years. They’ve raised 3 children, purchased 4 homes, and taken over 25 vacations together. They retire and suddenly face each other. The kids are grown. The job has ended. All that’s left is one man and one woman who look at each other and realize that apart from their routines, they have no idea who the other is or what they need.

Believe it or not, many couples divorce after decades of divorce for reasons such as this and site, irreconcilable differences. The harsh truth is that the man and woman were probably so busy getting married, having a career and starting a family that they missed the part where they stop and talk.

Planning is not the only form of communication a relationship needs.

Yes, we have to be responsible and steward our homes well, but this is no excuse to live years without speaking to our loved ones, and I mean really speaking to them. Let’s go beyond the surface of “How are you?” & “Call me if you need me.” Let’s take the time to sit with each other and ask questions. Let’s not be afraid of attitudes and responses and dare to get to know one another.

I bet if every married couple on earth had properly communicated in the beginning of their relationship, they wouldn’t have gotten married. I’m not hating; I’m simply stating facts. This applies to all types of relationships actually. Some of us connect to ideas. We connect to things that look good or bring certain benefits. We join clubs and embark on careers because they’re acclaimed by the culture, but shouldn’t life be more?

If you’re reading this, this is your challenge:

– Get to know yourself. Use a journal or simply sit in silence, listen to & talk to yourself. Sure ‘people’ may call you crazy, but people don’t have to live with you, you do.

– Get to know the people in your immediately family. Beyond surface details and random facts, what do you really know about them? Who are they? What makes them tick?

– Make an effort to speak up and live out the true contents of your heart. Meaning well is fine and all, but doing well is even better. A thought never saved anybody. It was the actions of God that showed His love.

I digress.

We’re gonna make it, after all!

I am Eryka

In Retrospect

I get what I want.

It doesn’t come when I think it should and some times the package doesn’t fit the fantasy, but when I seek God, ask, then wait for it…

I get what I pray for. The challenge is seeking God so that what I ask for aligns with his plan for my life. I have learned that it’s easier to get my prayers answered when they’re on accord with God’s agenda.

He’s the God of togetherness. He doesn’t hide his plan from us because he wants us to ask for them. God is a Father above all things. He wants to be the one to make our dreams come true. His plans for us are even greater than our dreams; so I dare you – seek him & dare to dream his dream for you.

The possibilities are infinite and oh, so incredible! To God be the Glory!

I am Eryka

In Theory

Written: 7.16.18

Author: #ErykaIAM

My face is full of tears

Can’t you see em? They’re all right here.

Bundled up in categories, horrendous and gloriously clear

They don’t fall from my eyes anymore; they just rest right here.

Invisible streams of brokenness fill the barges around my heart

And the pipes have been plugged so many times that a leak wouldn’t know where to start

Feelings are lost in the translation of words

And memories cascade through my mind like a flock of hibernating birds

I must sound absurd

How can one with tear ducts not release what they’re full of?

And when the levees do break, it’s at the most inopportune time

Like during a good movie or when I attempt to unwind

They crawl out of their spaces and I wonder what they seek to find

Everything that once was no longer is & the absence of it all is an unsolved crime

What ever happened to that little light of mine?

The one I vowed as a tot to always let shine?

When did I become so delusional about grace?

Would it be so unusual to display my pain through my face?

How long must I pretend that everything is okay?

Even as I breakdown, I smile and explain it away

I say the right things as I do what needs to be done

And they actually believe me. Who’s really the delusional one?

I am Eryka

Of them All

Of them All, a poem

7.18.18

Hello. It’s nice to meet you & a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

I’m quite the creature; in fact I’m rather high maintenance

No need to debate, no experience, no place, no evidence, no case

I don’t chill, and I don’t date

My legs are closed because I am worth the wait

You better escape

Before my name is tattooed to your tongue like your lips on your face

The deeper you dive, the better the prize, but do you have faith?

I may not fit the status quo but I am the baddest of any you know

Albeit, I suppose I’m the concrete that grows the rose

I am the high hat, 808, but wait – I am the melody and the tempo

With all my flaws exposed

I wear my faults as well as I do clothes

And dare you name another who’s draped in a cloth with more colors than the rainbow

Nope. Cause you don’t know

But standing here in humility with a crown built by misery; my reign shall last for eternity

Because I AM Eryka, I Am liberally and literally everything God intended me to be.

So glad we met

I bet you won’t forget

The smile that inspires MAC’s lipstick

The voice so sugary sweet that like syrup; it sticks

And again, just in case you missed it

I am that I am and what I am may not fit

Keep your apologies ma’am; I’m too legit too to quit

Too thorough and too quick

To linger in lies and dance with misfits

The shoe didn’t fit so I’m taking it off

My name ain’t Cinderella but I’m Queen of them all

Head held highly so the crown doesn’t fall

And I reign with the greatest Lord of all time; I’ve been chosen and called

He sticks with me through the victories and balances me when I fall

So I will not bow down on all fours – not now, I mean how

When They said I wouldn’t make it, but now their mouths are all hushed like “Wow”

Awww…

I am Eryka