Oh, word?

I recently told an ex the following words, “Our Word is all we have. Learn to keep your word.” I was ending the relationship we had simply because I was tired of being lied to. Words are powerful. They carry life and death. When someone makes a promise, expectancy automatically grows. This is why we must intentionally watch our words.

Having said all of that, I was encouraged by a friend today to reconnect with my purpose in Christ. I know that my words are a big part of that. My written words, and spoken words alike all come together to fulfill the reason God sent me to planet Earth. She didn’t know that, but I do. This blog is a vessel. Vessels are meant to be filled.

Welcome to Filling Season.

Things are shifting. The atmosphere is changing. Where there is a vessel, there will be filling. When we open up, God can enter. When we release, God can give. Whether it’s a relationship, a gift/talent, a job, a task, or a word, use it. When the moment comes where God decides to call you back to Himself, you won’t have time to do make up work.

Just a thought from my heart to yours.

I am Eryka

This post was written with a heavy heart. One of my mom’s brothers suddenly passed away this morning. Simultaneously, my dad and his sisters are holding on as their brother fights for his life after suffering a gun shot wound. Life is but a breath. We cannot waste it.

Still

Well, I’m still here. My site may no longer be a .com, but it is still MINE. I am still ALIVE. I am still WELL. To God be the Glory!

I don’t think God expects me to be extremely happy and excited every second of every day. My biggest fear these days is failing to be grateful. I am grateful. Emotional at times & often blinded by that emotion, but I am still grateful.

God didn’t instruct me to be perfect. He simply says, Be STILL.

I am still WRITING. I am still SPEAKING. I am still BELIEVING & trying to BELIEVE. I am still HERE. And…

I am (still) Eryka

Want, Need & Gotta Have

My Dad always says that there are 3 types of decisions in life: The wants, The needs & The things you just gotta have. A pedicure is a want. Groceries are needs. Medication to treat an unexpected illness is a Gotta Have. Whenever I’m facing a huge purchase, or even a tiny purchase when I only have a few coins, I ask myself which category does the thing belong to.

Do I need this? Do I really want it? Do I have to have it, right now? A lot of bullets have been dodged by following this philosophy. Thanks Dad. Ultimately, I understand that I don’t have to do and own every possible thing, and I will still survive! Fomo, or the Fear of Missing Out is a real thing. So many folks are attending events and buying things just so they don’t feel left out when others do the same. So many wedding planners are making big bank these days because Susie’s wedding must be bigger than Nancy’s. The world thrives on competition. It’s human nature.

Where there is competition, jealousy brews.

The whole purpose of competition is to finish before another, or come out on top, known as the best. The average human being is starved for attention. Newborn babies and infants receive a substantial amount of affection, but that soon wears off as the child grows. Yes, there are some cases where that nurturing and affection continues, but more times than not, the baby is weaned off the breast, sent to school and told to grow up. Talents go uncelebrated and accomplishments go unnoticed. Mothers and Fathers get so busy taking care of the home that they neglect both each other and the emotional needs of their offspring. It’s nobody’s fault. It’s a cycle that dates back centuries. Humans are so busy achieving and competing with things outside our homes and our own selves and we have forgotten to give our time and energy to the things closest to us. Those are the things that want us, need us and gotta have us.

As much as I have enjoyed, at least momentarily, the boyfriends and lovers of my past. If asked to trade them for quality time with my Father and adoration from Him, I would have. I can say this now thanks to wisdom and growth, but looking back I can see how every romantic relationship I gave myself to was a placeholder for what I wish my father gave me. My father has always been busy providing though. I don’t fault him for this. It’s what he was taught. He had a family that needed to be fed, clothed and housed. That’s where his focus was. Would some balance have been nice? Sure, but he did what was necessary.

In a perfect world, all children are given the nurturing and affection they need and they grow into adults who offer the same. In a perfect world, there would be more organizations set up to help citizens repair their credit, get in shape, and receive mental healthcare at no charge. Instead, services that truly help individuals are few and far in between. They’re hard to find and even harder to qualify for. Not everyone in need is homeless. Not everyone who’s homeless is ignorant, addicted or mentally ill. Our nation would have us believe that we’re on our own for the most part, and I guess we are. The news is more interested in President’s Trump’s sex life & Michelle Obama’s new book than they are with child suicide, divorce rates and hunger on our own soil.

The focus is off! Doesn’t anyone care about our wants, needs or what we gotta have? We want true freedom and real rights. We need to be loved and free to love. We gotta have housing, education, and sustainability. While I recognize that it is not the media’s job to take care of the citizens, I do believe the media should stop directing us toward a bottomless pit. No, the networks won’t pay our bills and nobody makes us watch tv, but when we tune in, it shouldn’t further damage and discourage us. We should be on each other’s side. Instead, everyone is posting and tweeting their every move in attempt to show someone else up.

Everybody wants to be first. Everybody wants the medal. I’m sick of it.

Lately I have this fierce anger rising up in my spirit. I’m not mad at anyone, but I’m upset that no one else is upset. We are the most distracted generation of human beings in history. We’re plugged in to everything but God. We trust everybody but God. We offer praise and adoration to everything but GOD. No wonder we’re in such a mess.

I’ve had money – not millions, but I know what it’s like to not be worried about finances. I’ve had relationships. I know how not to be alone. I’ve had experiences. I’ve seen stuff. I’ve done stuff. I’ve purchased stuff. I also know what it’s like to give it all up. There have been times I’ve looked in my closet and saw empty spaces because I had given everything away. Somehow, that same closet continues to refill. There have been days where my freezer was empty because I gave to a family in need and yet, I haven’t ever gone to bed hungry. I know the fear of missing out. It raised me, but now that I am wiser and much more humble, I understand that life isn’t about all the glitter and glamour. I am grateful for a God who teaches me to consider others. I am Thankful that God not only loves me, but He loves my country. He will provide for me and everything around me also. I am grateful for life and I vow to use it to share what God gives to me with whomever will receive.

I want God. I need God. I gotta have God.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but I genuinely hope our nation begins to realize how desperately we all need God, before it’s too late. He’s willing & able, but will you come?

I digress.

I am Eryka

Honestly, not

“They” say “honesty is the best policy.” I agree, but tell me, what good is honesty without communication? I’ve noticed that humans intend to say or do things, and often times they simply fail to follow through. It can be argued that good intentions matter also because it’s the thought that counts, right? Eh, I beg to differ. Thoughts can’t do much for a person.

Don’t get me wrong; I know that thoughts help shape our life, but without action a thought is like a breeze that travels through the brain. Communication is an action. For whatever reason, humans have stopped communicating properly. Everybody is doing stuff, but where’s the integrity? Where’s the true connection? So many relationships fall apart due to lack luster communication.

Without communication, honesty is empty.

The most honest thing one can do to another is speak Love and truth and act it out toward them. Honesty isn’t simply failing to lie. It is choosing to show up the same way each and every time. The absence of communication invites assumptions, hurt feelings and in too many cases, broken hearts.

Many words are being spoken, but are you really saying anything?

My friends and I communicate. We share thoughts and ideas through speech and even song. We bounce things off one another. Over time, the exchange of communication has taught us to know one another. We can often read each other’s moods and emotions through communication, or the lack thereof. I see people hang out in groups and never really discuss anything. They share meals, take trips and even have children, but fail to communicate properly. We’ve become so accustomed to seeking to meet personal needs within other people and as a result I don’t believe we know exactly who it’s is we face each day.

Consider this: Man & Woman are married 40 years. They’ve raised 3 children, purchased 4 homes, and taken over 25 vacations together. They retire and suddenly face each other. The kids are grown. The job has ended. All that’s left is one man and one woman who look at each other and realize that apart from their routines, they have no idea who the other is or what they need.

Believe it or not, many couples divorce after decades of divorce for reasons such as this and site, irreconcilable differences. The harsh truth is that the man and woman were probably so busy getting married, having a career and starting a family that they missed the part where they stop and talk.

Planning is not the only form of communication a relationship needs.

Yes, we have to be responsible and steward our homes well, but this is no excuse to live years without speaking to our loved ones, and I mean really speaking to them. Let’s go beyond the surface of “How are you?” & “Call me if you need me.” Let’s take the time to sit with each other and ask questions. Let’s not be afraid of attitudes and responses and dare to get to know one another.

I bet if every married couple on earth had properly communicated in the beginning of their relationship, they wouldn’t have gotten married. I’m not hating; I’m simply stating facts. This applies to all types of relationships actually. Some of us connect to ideas. We connect to things that look good or bring certain benefits. We join clubs and embark on careers because they’re acclaimed by the culture, but shouldn’t life be more?

If you’re reading this, this is your challenge:

– Get to know yourself. Use a journal or simply sit in silence, listen to & talk to yourself. Sure ‘people’ may call you crazy, but people don’t have to live with you, you do.

– Get to know the people in your immediately family. Beyond surface details and random facts, what do you really know about them? Who are they? What makes them tick?

– Make an effort to speak up and live out the true contents of your heart. Meaning well is fine and all, but doing well is even better. A thought never saved anybody. It was the actions of God that showed His love.

I digress.

We’re gonna make it, after all!

I am Eryka

Daddy’s 72!

How great it is that my Dad celebrated his 72nd year of life today. His 95 year old mom, among others, called to wish him well. It’s quite a blessing.

My blessing came this evening during a cool, impromptu conversation with Dad. We began discussing relationships. He recognized that not all guys have morals or even a decent work ethic. He notices that it’s harder for women to find suitable mates who actually want to be in a committed relationship.

He & my mom met in 1981 & married in 1982. 36 years later… they’re still together for better, and worse, and everything in between. His advice is Golden…

Daddy told me:

– Don’t be too demanding. Even though wives tend to take moms place, they’re not the mom, so don’t try to raise him.

– Let him have free time and don’t make him feel guilty for it

– when you have an issue, tell him what you feel, ask for what you need and let him respond. His response May come days later. That’s where trusting God comes in I guess!

– Plan time to be with him each week to get your fix. It can seem like it’s all about him but that’s only because he doesn’t always know how to give what you need.

– We have to communicate our needs because they don’t read minds and they take what we say at face value. If we tell them not to worry about it; they won’t. If we brush something off and say it’s fine when it’s really not; he thinks everything is cool and we end up angry inside. So he said to ask him to sit and talk with you and let him know going in “I’m not complaining. I just need help solving this problem.”

I am not in a committed relationship as of yet, but I treasure that moment. I’ve waited my entire adulthood for that conversation and God provided. My daddy cares about my heart. My daddy cares if I’m happy, even if it’s another man providing the happiness. He sees a wife in me and he simply wants me to be my best self.

Today, I faced the beautiful, wondrous truth that My Daddy loves me and I am still a jewel to Him. Age, weight, education, money – it doesn’t matter. My daddy sees ME & He’s rooting for me. Now that’s quite the gift!

To God be the Glory!

I am Eryka

Easy

Some things are just… easy. It doesn’t means they’re productive or highly beneficial, but they are more attainable than other things. Simply put, some things require less effort than others. What determines this can be anything from size to location of said thing. What’s easy to a child may be difficult for an adult, and vice versa.

Relationships are never easy, right? I can’t say that I have a sure answer just yet. Relationships require work; constant, direct, effort with vision and clear intentions. Where there is no vision, there is no destination and therefore effort is not required. Some relationships feel this way because they’re just not meant to be. Not everyone was meant to be friends with everyone else. Not every man will fall in love with every woman he meets. It happens.

Those are the easy relationships. Easy relationships don’t require much, and don’t pour much into us. They scratch an itch or meet a certain need, but hardly ever fulfill a meaningful place in our lives. These relationships distract us from more challenging ones which have the potential to grow us, but us humans love our comfort zones, am I right? An illustration of an easy relationship is the following:

– Boy & Girl grow up together and develop a sexual/romantic relationship strictly based on convenience. Neither commits to the other and both face unmet emotional/spiritual needs in the process. Their bond is justified by the amount of time they’ve known each other coupled with the number of times they’ve been intimate. The relationship goes on, but never gets anywhere.

“Life is too short to waste on temporary thrills; this includes flings.”

History becomes a crutch, but in reality, time is inevitable. Time will pass whether we want it to or not, and anything we don’t end will continue. History may exist, but it is simply not enough. Sticking with the easy choice may cause less strain, but it also lacks benefit. Now, do I believe relationships should be difficult and strenuous? Not at all. They should require work but the work is part of the glory. When building a home, the painter doesn’t mind compromising with the electrician because he understands how both their efforts make the final product complete. The same applies to relationships. My fullness + your fullness = a beautifully structured connection.

Easy is for board games. I’m ready for the types of connections that push me, add to me, and produce within me the greatness God created me for. I want to do the same for someone else. I may not be the easy choice, but I am the most valuable choice.

I am Eryka

Truth Moment

I am a divorced woman.

I am also a college drop out.

I am almost 30 with no material possession registered in my name.

I am in a biological season science refers to as my “Sexual Peak” yet, I am celibate.

I live with my parents.

I have a “clinically diagnosed mental illness.” (Depression & Anxiety if you were wondering.”

My hormones, and my mood, fluctuate without notice.

I love to give & serve and at times have been naive which led to lots of hurt feelings.

I have a handful of acquaintances; only a few I consider friends.

I’m not hungry or naked, but I’m “poor” by many standards.

I could go on and on, but what would be the point? I can sum it up in this,

I AM STRONGER THAN ANY STRUGGLE I FACE & NO WEAPON formed against ME shall prosper – EVER!

So while the world is making lists, I am busy counting all of the times I could’ve been wiped out, but Grace rescued me. I am not here to be perfect. I am here to fulfill purpose.

“You may write me down in History with your bitter, twisted lies. You may trod me in the very dirt, but still, like dust, I’ll rise. Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you so beset with gloom; because I walk like I’ve got oil wells pumping in my living room. From “Still I Rise” by Maya Angelou.

I am Eryka.

Hello Beautiful, It’s Me

Truth be told, every breathing soul within a human shell battles their own self-esteem at least once in their lifetime. Many humans battle it their entire lives. To those of us who know the battle all too well, I have news for you.

You were born perfect. God mapped you out before He formed you. Sure, man may dislike certain features and may even dare to bully you, but that doesn’t change the fact that you & I are the result of God’s workmanship. Those stretch marks were in the blueprint; so were the freckles. Yes, those 60 extra pounds were happily welcomed by the potter, and it’s time we begin to appreciate, embrace, and see the beauty in ourselves.

The Fashion Industry doesn’t make humans. It makes clothing for humans. It provides jobs to humans. It sets incredibly unrealistic standards surrounding humans & even manufactures mannequins to imitate humans, but…

THE FASHION INDUSTRY HAS NEVER, NOR WILL IT EVER HAVE THE ABILITY TO CREATE HUMANS WITH SOULS. ONLY GOD CAN DO THAT.

When He created you, He stepped back, declared it was good, then he formed you in your mother’s womb. Who you are is perfect, even considering your flaws. How so? You grew from a blueprint! Here’s where it gets better:

Once we see God for who He is, receive His son as our savior, and welcome the Holy Spirit into our hearts & lives, we become even better versions. If there’s an issue in your flesh that you’d like to change but you just can’t seem to get it done, submit that thing to the Holy Spirit. While I’m busy everyday focusing on Loving like God loves and forgiving because God forgives, the Holy Spirit is busy burning way old thought patterns and bad habits I couldn’t shake on my own. The great thing is, I’m not doing anything for myself, not really.

I saw where I could meet a need a young mother I know has. I began working toward meeting her need the best way I could. Simultaneously, God has added the character, provision and support I have needed in order to accomplish this task. As I have been lending my energy to my loved one’s need, God lends his to me. Actually, I’m only able to extend to her what’s already being extended to me.

See? The comparison game is deadly. The ‘I’m not good enough’ game is equally dangerous. We are the product. God is the producer. It is not our place to tell him his blueprint made an imperfect production. We are his workmanship. We are altogether beautiful & wonderfully made. And WE didn’t and can’t do a thing about it! So, surrender. Let God enhance His creation. He’ll elevate you from perfect to BETTER.

I Am perfectly Eryka

Check out this amazing song! I’ve been singing it for a week now.

The SOAPBOX Episode 03:Your Body is a Pearl

Hello Loves!

Episode 3 of The SOAPbox is now live on Buzzsprout! This week, I dive deep into more pearls as we discuss how your body is a pearl! No one else has as much access to you as you do, so use it wisely! Treat yourself better. Eat better. Sleep more. Take care of your body. It is your pearl!

Listen here!