Still

Well, I’m still here. My site may no longer be a .com, but it is still MINE. I am still ALIVE. I am still WELL. To God be the Glory!

I don’t think God expects me to be extremely happy and excited every second of every day. My biggest fear these days is failing to be grateful. I am grateful. Emotional at times & often blinded by that emotion, but I am still grateful.

God didn’t instruct me to be perfect. He simply says, Be STILL.

I am still WRITING. I am still SPEAKING. I am still BELIEVING & trying to BELIEVE. I am still HERE. And…

I am (still) Eryka

Brown, a poem

Does my dark skin frighten you?

Do I resemble midnight to you?

Pores so dark under light, they look blue.

Does my kinky hair frustrate your mind?

Why’s it so big and curly all the time?

Are you upset that when I shake my head it remains neat

Instead of cascading down the walls of my cheeks like Niagra Falls’ peak?

I am not my hair, but I wear it proud like my Crown.

I no longer run from rain drops, I reign and the pain stops – it turns my frown upside down

And there you find, my smile.

My teeth are perfect. Every one perfectly positioned.

I shine them and they glisten;

Never had a need for braces, might I mention…

And the melody that seeps from my lips speaks so loud that all must listen

“My you have a beautiful smile.” They say

“I know.” And still I pray

That in some form and in some way

I could transform and be reborn in your ways

Body made of straight lines and just shy of the ideal weight

Wealth flowing through my blood lines that make the perfect introduction to the ideal mate;

Isn’t that the ideal trait?

Thin waist and checks & balances that keep filet mignon on my plate

But wait…

In my reality, my beauty doesn’t seem to fit

The stereotypical prototypes and all that comes with

My high speed signal seems to be larger than the world’s bandwidth

So I venture off into the unknown, both wings erect and not a last look at home

I leave this place in search of where I belong

And there I find Jesus, the welcome mat to my throne.

He calls me closer than close, because I dared to double his dose

Surrendered to my Heavenly Host and now Heaven’s my Host

And I boast of Him boastfully – You might say I do the most

Not that it’s a competition but other God’s don’t even come close

I mean, Shall we cast a vote?

Who’s greater than My God? None!

Which one of your American Idols can do for you what God has done?!

I begin to speak and the lies of the enemies get weak

They told me I can’t but I know he can so I let my victories speak

The will of God reigns down from Heaven and pours out my mouth like a leak

I’m strong – not weak!

The voices of the naysayers fade to black like a stadium with no players

I’ve learned to auto tune out the shouts of anyone whose not my maker

I hold the microphone and I won’t drop it nor waiver

I’m sitting pretty in position with all this melanin flavor

The announcer on the speaker is getting stronger – not weaker;

I’m seated above the clouds not in the crowds on the bleachers

The hand of God has opened doors that no man can close because the Lord is my keeper

And these wings, these butterfly, eagle things

Supernatural transformative change bringing wings

Not made of feathers but built to weather whichever storm comes to tether this Queen

Can you feel my sting?

I am the bride of Christ. The Earth is my ring.

That’s why it’s round

So even the lost can be found

Even the insane mind is made sound

Because The Grace of Love abounds

His Grace is all around

And it sees no color

Hello, Mr. President, you too are my brother

Don’t dare attempt to treat me like the others

We come from the same dirt and call the same Earth, ‘Mother’

Don’t be frightened because my complexion is darker when instead you can be enlightened by the directions of the Father

It may be my voice that finally silences the war in your head

And it’s the blood of my Lord that flows through you though you be The Walking Dead

Has anyone heard what I’ve said?

Why are we who have been set free to live eternally living life walking dead?

No wonder they’re all afraid.

Death can’t do nothing for nobody, but Life can.

Dare to come alive In Christ? Or are you still scared?

Shall the church say, “Amen.”

I am Eryka

Hey You!

Welcome to SELF CARE 101! Let’s be honest; life doesn’t come with a manual and Biology doesn’t tell us everything about taking care of ourselves. Self Care is an online process of discovery. The more we dive into the process, the more we discover. The more we discover, the better we’re able to love ourselves.

On my journey I have come to many forks in the road where I had no clue how to proceed. Sometimes podcasts and blogs were helpful and other times I had to rely on the word & spirit of God. This post is to help anyone who has come to a place during their journey to self discovery where you’ve run out of ideas. I don’t want you to give up on yourself because the Earth needs you. I need you, so be encouraged. We can do this!

Show Yourself Some LOVEusing the following suggestions,

– Speak kindly to and about yourself.

– Carve out time to be alone with yourself.

– Spend some time in silence. Take note of what you think and feel.

– Surprise yourself with spontaneity and new experiences.

COMPLIMENT YOURSELF.

– Look in the mirror and smile until you mean it.

– Allow yourself space to feel and time to respond.

– Be honest with yourself & about yourself to others.

– Ask for the help you need; Ask for whatever you need.

– Give yourself the gift of grace; actively forgive yourself.

– Learn something new. Teaching yourself builds trust and reliability.

Lastly,

– Depend on yourself and always follow through.

I take a lot of photos mainly so I can refer back to them. When I need to smile, a slew of selfies always does the trick! When looking at old pictures stops working, take new ones. Not feeling photogenic? Fill your brows and put on some lipstick. You won’t be able to stop yourself from snapping it up.

I am Eryka

An Open Letter to Myself

To: Eryka

From: Eryka

December 31st 2017

Woman, I love you!

You have been through a type of Hell, but you’re still here. You could have given up two decades ago. Twenty years is a long time to live knowing and feeling what you’ve had to feel.

None of it is your fault. You were not created to be perfect, which means you are everything you’ll ever need to be. The seed is within you. You are a seed within a seed. Even this letter is a seed. See, I’m planting something in you right now. I am choosing to claim you as my own, just as Jesus claims us. I choose to greet you every morning with joy and wonder. I choose to be present in every moment of your life. I apologize for running from you – well, trying to. You are me, and because of that I can never, nor do I want to, separate from you.

Jesus loves us. So much so, He chose to walk this filthy Earth and He saw beauty in every disgusting, sinful human life. That includes Eryka. He doesn’t see your flaws, and starting now, I choose not to see them either. So what if we don’t look like, sound like, have as much money as, or sleep next to a spouse like so and so does? Does that even matter?

When Mom went cold in front of your eyes, did it really matter that you’re unmarried? No. What mattered what’s Mom was under attack and we needed Our Lord and He was there.

I apologize for choosing ex-husband. I didn’t know you well enough to choose a guy to lead you. I barley knew God. I was more devoted to my plans for my life that I neglected you. It’s been 7 years, and I realize that in many ways I was still neglecting you.

Serving others is easy, but you’re so close. I know every, single detail of you. I know what you’re capable of so I judge the parts of you that make mistakes and I apologize. It is not my job to judge you. It is my pleasure to Love you.

Going forward, things are different. Some relationships are over – no ‘Goodbye’ necessary. It’s time that you drop the dead weight. Addiction must flee. Doubt has no room. Insecurity has officially been evicted. What God has for you is so special and so specific to who He designed you to be. You don’t want to miss it.

My advice to you is:

• Eagerly say “Yes” to God each morning. Surrendering your heart every morning keeps you humble. You did not wake yourself. You do not control that pulse, or blood pumping through your body. God does, and nobody knows you like him.

• Willingly embrace God as everything that He is. He knows more about you than I do. He can see and orchestrate things that we only dream of. Your willful obedience brings Him joy. He doesn’t want a Kingdom filled with children who feel obligated to serve Him. He enjoys willing fellowship and obedience.

• Courageously remember WHO YOU ARE. At all times, know that you know that you know that you are a Royal priesthood. The Spirit of the Living God exists within you. With power like that, low self esteem has to flee. Own your growl!

•Humbly serve others. Let’s be real, life is pretty harsh when we try to do it alone. Did you know that sharing your heart and trusting the friends God sends your way is also service? Transparency is just as valuable as cooking for someone. Your friends and loved ones need to know that they’re not alone. Sure you can buy a gift, but sitting and sharing the moment means much more. Humble yourself, lady, then be humbled some more. God exalts the humble.

Joyfully lend your gifts. You are so talented. Some days I look at you and wonder if there’s anything you can’t do. God has gifted you with creativity like no other. Even the way you dress and present yourself is powerful. Everybody loves you. You can’t even explain why people flock to you or trust in you, but they do. People don’t even know why they flock to you – that’s the light. So shine bright! You are most enthusiastic and illuminated when you’re reciting your poetry, praising God, and creating art. You sketch clothing that the Kingdom would love to wear. You write poems and songs that could possibly heal your city. Speak Up! God’s got your back.

More than anything, I choose to Love you. Please Love me back.

Humbly, with Joy & Love,

Eryka

Reminder

I'm beautiful. God did a great job on me!!! Self confidence starts with the belief that God makes no mistakes.

His creation is wonderful. I am His creation.

I am Eryka & I am Wonderful.

I am Beautiful & Jesus is Real!

I am Eryka and I am Beautiful.

As I remind myself that God only creates beautiful, complete things, I can't help but smile.

My weekend has been eventful. I wasn't on schedule to teach @ church, but for whatever reason I studied anyway and this morning the other teacher asked me to go in her place. I love teaching. I'm grateful for the favor of God in my life that enables me to do what I absolutely adore.

I sat out in pursuit of "pleasure" from the opposite sex last night – I was disappointed when it didn't happen, but in hindsight, I'm glad I didn't. If I had sex, would I have been asked to teach today? Would I have been on time, or would I have used not having to teach mixed with whatever emotions sleeping with him would've brung as an excuse to slack off this morning? I'll never know, because God blocked it.

One of my best friends is sexually active and there's nothing blocking her. It just happens for her. Why isn't there an invisible cock blocker on her team? I seek answers to questions like these then God reminds me that I am uniquely and wonderfully formed. I am not to be compared to or conformed to anyone else and the same applies to every other individual on the planet. I believe the Holy Spirit blocks certain things in my life because I made a vow to God to maintain my purity, and as aroused as I get sometimes, the thought of honoring God and being an example He can point at to encourage others inspires me to hold on a little longer.


This is the face you make when God says 'Wait' but you try to run ahead, He blocks you, then shines you up before putting you back in proper position. He's always right. You'd think I'd stop fighting by now.

So, today has been beautiful. I felt pure and safe while worshipping God this morning in my pretty pink dress. My mom made a comment about me looking like a little girl although I had on 5 inch stilettos, but even that is an honor. She saw purity. She had no idea that last night my mind was wondering and my body anxious for some kind of attention. But God kept me. It had to be Him because my mind was made up… or so I thought.

I believe that because I studied the word all week, I was conscious of it even while trying to act like I wanted to rebel. The deeper I get in God, the harder it is to turn off. See, sometimes in church we carry two people within us. There's the individual that church people see, then there's the person that does what they do when they do it in the world. Ive learned that the deeper I get in the calling and the more I continue to show up, the more ridiculous I look and feel when I try to put on other hats. I'm not those Erykas anymore. I'm a new Eryka and God has angels on every post protecting me from demons all around and even those within my own self.

It's amazing. I stand in awe of God. Not only did He create everything, but He created a complete Man to whom which He designed me to Help. He gives us purpose each and every day. Somewhere in the spirit, I'm already attached to the man I will someday call Husband. Somewhere in the spirit, I am He and He is Me and therefore, I can't be sleeping around and taking off my Crown to dance around with the enemy.

I digress. I love Jesus. He keeps proving Himself real even when I don't ask!

I am Eryka

#KeepSmiling 

I caught a glimpse of myself smiling in the mirror and remembered how beautiful and wonderful I am. Sometimes, you have to be your own admirer. 

I am Eryka